My little angels

So I've been out of commission for a while with one thing or another and as it usually goes with mommies I found myself lacking any empathetic caretakers to surround me and nurse me back to health and as a result it took me a good long while to get my mojo back.

Anyhow, I have returned to get something off my chest. Something that I struggle with on a weekly basis and am not thrilled to admit but I am just going to lay it out there anyway and say I HATE GROCERY SHOPPING WITH MY CHILDREN!! There, I said it, now you know I don't have it all together. Well, you may have figured that out if you've ever witnessed me interact with my children at all but my focus today is on that horrific, fluorescent lit, narrow aisled, foul carted vendor of all things bright and tempting: Kroger.

I know your're thinking why don't I do my shopping when I don't have to take my little miracles but that would pretty much narrow my shopping window to late nights and weekends and that is just out of the question.

I think that all these stores that offer the carts with the the cars and TVs think they're doing us a favor but it is obvious to me that whoever designed them does not have children themselves. I mean who really thinks that 2 children are going to sit side by side in a little plastic cave on wheels without trying to pummel one another to death. If they really wanted to do me a favor they would have set it up like a patrol car with a non-transparent plexiglas between the 2 sides of the car making physical and visual contact impossible.

Also, if they had any insight into the inner workings of a child they would know better than to stock consumables at the same level as the windows on the little plastic time bomb. Better yet they wouldn't put any windows in those things at all as it is obvious that the temptation to grab everything in sight is too great for any little person to bear.

And for those shoppers who don't have children and apparently didn't have parents to teach them any better STARING IS NOT POLITE! It's like they think that glancing over every chance they get at a mother and her children who are in the midst of a contest to see who can shove who out the front hole of the plastic contraption first is their civic duty. As if they are letting you know that they are taking note of the situation and are ready to call in reinforcements if necessary. Or maybe they are just making mental notes never to have children themselves or to find an adult only grocery establishment.

When they see me coming now at the Kroger I frequent they have a system that alarms all available employees to take their stations and be prepared for any pending emergencies or to reconstruct any ill placed displays of the week's value items. They also have someone especially assigned to grope over and scrutinize my children and the little car to make sure they aren't sitting on a flattened bag of bagels or chomping on an open bag of rice cakes.

As you can see this all leads to a very stressful outing and a desire to dine on carry-out food from now until my little marvels can be trusted to stay at home by themselves, which at this rate will not be until we have consumed approximately 1,248 pizzas, 1,872 cartons of chow mein and 1433 buckets of fried chicken. Now you see my plight?